Jimmy had probably lost about 15 pounds wandering around out in the hot sun. For days, maybe weeks even. A dark brownish beard covered the bottom half of his face, and a pair of wraparound aviators (aided by a pulled down baseball cap) covered most of the top half. It would take a very close friend to recognize him now, not that he had any... Well, anymore.
The sun was directly above him in the sky, and as Jimmy walked, he glanced down at the insubstantial shadow he created. He lifted up his shirt to wipe of the sweat from his face, revealing~not revealing what used to be there. His stomach had worn away, living on whatever he could scrounge, and each of his ribs were clearly visible.
As he walked, dragging his feet behind him (a trait that his mother had always hated) and hummed a song that he couldn't place. Something probably from a commercial. But that was his old life. Jimmy had moved on.
Jimmy wasn't really Jimmy anymore. He wasn't really aware of it, but Matt was. As Jimmy walked, he talked to Matthew, his brother. From behind, someone watching him would think he was talking to himself. He really was, but this was different. What was happening to Jimmy, wasn't a hallucination caused by the hunger (one of natures greatest hallucinogens), or thirst. The voices in his head had just taken the next natural step. They manifested themselves now.
Beside him walked Matt and Cibil. Trailing slowly behind them lay an unknown voice, rather, the unknown voice.
Matt was the one Jimmy liked. He was sensible. He reminded Jimmy of himself back when he lived a life where he would sit in his room and play music, for himself, for friends, "For Jacki?" whispered a voice in his ear.
Jimmy whirled around.
There was nothing there.
Jimmy continued to walk. He knew that the loneliness in time would pass and he would start to see them again, Matt and Cibil, and The Unknown One. He would rather take loneliness that have to see The Unknown One again, but it wasn't his choice. What was his choice.
Fuck him if he knew. Then the cold grip of reality brought him back in. There he was. Him, Matt, Cibil, they were all just Jimmy. They were always just Jimmy. But this wasn't the old Jimmy. The old Jimmy wouldn't be sitting in his bathroom. Holding the razor. Dialing Jacki's number.
Ring once.
'Sorry, the customer you are trying to reach is currently out of servi-'
Then.
Nothing.
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Taste, Time and Talent
It's her taste that stays with me... Why? I really couldn't tell that to you, but it does. It's been on my mind, since we had our first kiss, and I just can't place it. When I was younger, I never had an imaginary friend, again, I really couldn't tell you why, it just never happened to me. Maybe I was just never creative enough to believe something else was actually standing there with me. Maybe I wished too much to be able to do that. Maybe I just wasn't naive enough, yet again, I don't know, but lying there in bed reading, I can feel her head pressed lightly on my chest, and her hands rustling my hair. I can smell her sweet perfume drifting around my room. I might drop my book and see her smiling up at me for a moment, but then the illusion becomes just that, and the smell, touch, and sight of her is gone. The taste stays with me though. Who in hell knows why? I'm not complaining.
So, those are the lyrics to my second most recent song, but it still hasn't been named, so I've been referring to it as Time. Not very original, but something will come along I expect. Time has been on my mind a lot recently. Breaking curfew and having a lecture from your parents every couple of days probably helped with that. What can I say. Time flies when you're having fun I guess.
Short note today, a lot on my mind. Possibly longer one soon. I don't know. A lot is going on right now. With another gig coming up Wednesday, practice has been taking up a fair amount of my time. Also I've been working on the CD. I've broken quite a few deadlines with it already, and so I really don't know when it's going to be coming out anymore. It will be completed. Not necessarily as fast as I would have liked, but now it's become my personal goal. Music has been a huge part of my life, because it's pretty much my one true passion. If I am ever able to make a successful CD, hell even have a couple fans, I don't even know if I'll be happy then. I need to keep pushing until I can show my life to the world in music form. I want to show the world I am something, and with so many things holding me back, I hope I can pull through.
There are a couple of people who are there especially for me to pull through. Keir for one. He has had an interest and taste in my music for about as long as he has heard me play. He lets me use his computer for mastering and looking through his HUUUUGE collection of por---ches... Porches.. yeah that's it. Just ordinary verandas and such...
Spence is awesome too. Not so much a fan of my music in the beginning, but as I practiced more and experimented with different styles, I soon caught his ear, and now we play/sing together often, little ditties we make up such as "Daniel Steinburg".
I have way too many people to thank, seriously folks, but so many people in my life have pushed my music career forward, and for that, I thank you. From the depths of my heart. You brought me where I am today
-Love
Jimmy
Time
It keeps leaving us behind
But the answer's always in our
Minds
Keep us thinking so sublime
Can keep us wondering
If you
If you would ever love me too
Then maybe we could have a little
Get together
If the weather got better
Or we could let it
If it's raining
On a sunny Sunday day
Then we could cuddle together let it wash all of our thoughts away
And if its not
Well lets go for a swim
I'll go out on a limb and
Ask you one more
Time
Is it really such a fickle thing
It seems that way every now and
Again
Must I repeat everything I say
Or can you just listen with your
Ears
They hear and they know that
When i say it i mean and and you never ever have to
Go
Or stay if you must
But Id really like to keep you here
If it's raining
On a sunny Sunday day
Then we could cuddle together let it wash all of our thoughts away
And if its not
Well lets go for a swim
I'll go out on a limb and
Ask you one more
Time
When all of our thoughts bond together
When we don't care about the weather
When I'll walk 50 miles to
Say hi and
Give me a kiss cause thats how I wanna spend my time
So, those are the lyrics to my second most recent song, but it still hasn't been named, so I've been referring to it as Time. Not very original, but something will come along I expect. Time has been on my mind a lot recently. Breaking curfew and having a lecture from your parents every couple of days probably helped with that. What can I say. Time flies when you're having fun I guess.
Short note today, a lot on my mind. Possibly longer one soon. I don't know. A lot is going on right now. With another gig coming up Wednesday, practice has been taking up a fair amount of my time. Also I've been working on the CD. I've broken quite a few deadlines with it already, and so I really don't know when it's going to be coming out anymore. It will be completed. Not necessarily as fast as I would have liked, but now it's become my personal goal. Music has been a huge part of my life, because it's pretty much my one true passion. If I am ever able to make a successful CD, hell even have a couple fans, I don't even know if I'll be happy then. I need to keep pushing until I can show my life to the world in music form. I want to show the world I am something, and with so many things holding me back, I hope I can pull through.
There are a couple of people who are there especially for me to pull through. Keir for one. He has had an interest and taste in my music for about as long as he has heard me play. He lets me use his computer for mastering and looking through his HUUUUGE collection of por---ches... Porches.. yeah that's it. Just ordinary verandas and such...
Spence is awesome too. Not so much a fan of my music in the beginning, but as I practiced more and experimented with different styles, I soon caught his ear, and now we play/sing together often, little ditties we make up such as "Daniel Steinburg".
I have way too many people to thank, seriously folks, but so many people in my life have pushed my music career forward, and for that, I thank you. From the depths of my heart. You brought me where I am today
-Love
Jimmy
Friday, July 4, 2008
Nothing 3
It is strange being in this state. The time before you are quite asleep, yet your mind is run by your sub-conscious. Being roused from this state would be quite weird. My phone rings. The ringer itself isn't on, but that doesn't stop the display from lighting up.
I know I should probably pick it up. Will anyone else pick it up? Could anyone else pick it up?
"Hello," I mutter into the phone. I'm starting to wake up. The voices are starting to come back. I'm not one hundred-percent sure what is happening. Can you tell me?
"Do you remember our promise?" says the voice on the phone. What promise? What are you leaving me out of?
"I don't know how to keep our promise, " I mutter. What promise? the voice asks. I ignore it.
"Jimmy, you have to remember our promise" says Jacki.
What Promise? The voice is jarring now. I'm not sure I remember our promise anyways.
"I don't remember~" I start.
"Don't give me that Bullshit Jimmy."
That name. Was is mine? It sounds so familiar, yet out of place.
"You know I care about you, and I want you to be OK," she says.
Oh look. Someone cares for you, I hear. The voice seems patronizing.
"I want you to call me if you ever need to, OK Jimmy?"
She doesn't really mean it.
'Shut up' I think.
"Jimmy?"
If she meant it, she would have been there that night
'Shut up' I think again.
You needed her that night. You stayed awake calling her name. Crying
'Shut up'
Wailing really
'Shut up'
"Jimmy, are you there?"
The night you almost died
'Stop it'
"Jimmy, you need to remember our promise."
She would have been there that night. Instead of out gallivanting with some gentleman.
She wasn't with a gentleman... Was she?
Ask her yourself
"Jimmy!"
I nudge the off button on my phone.
I fall backwards into my bed.
Then.
Nothing
Unknown Name
Private Number
I know I should probably pick it up. Will anyone else pick it up? Could anyone else pick it up?
"Hello," I mutter into the phone. I'm starting to wake up. The voices are starting to come back. I'm not one hundred-percent sure what is happening. Can you tell me?
"Do you remember our promise?" says the voice on the phone. What promise? What are you leaving me out of?
"I don't know how to keep our promise, " I mutter. What promise? the voice asks. I ignore it.
"Jimmy, you have to remember our promise" says Jacki.
What Promise? The voice is jarring now. I'm not sure I remember our promise anyways.
"I don't remember~" I start.
"Don't give me that Bullshit Jimmy."
That name. Was is mine? It sounds so familiar, yet out of place.
"You know I care about you, and I want you to be OK," she says.
Oh look. Someone cares for you, I hear. The voice seems patronizing.
"I want you to call me if you ever need to, OK Jimmy?"
She doesn't really mean it.
'Shut up' I think.
"Jimmy?"
If she meant it, she would have been there that night
'Shut up' I think again.
You needed her that night. You stayed awake calling her name. Crying
'Shut up'
Wailing really
'Shut up'
"Jimmy, are you there?"
The night you almost died
'Stop it'
"Jimmy, you need to remember our promise."
She would have been there that night. Instead of out gallivanting with some gentleman.
She wasn't with a gentleman... Was she?
Ask her yourself
"Jimmy!"
I nudge the off button on my phone.
I fall backwards into my bed.
Then.
Nothing
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Nothing 2
I walked down the street. The sky was gray. It was a bleak winters day. Or summer. I couldn't tell at this point. I felt trapped, like in a labyrinth. A surefire way to get out of a labyrinth was to put your right hand on the wall, and just follow it out. What if there was no exit though. What if the exit was so far away, by the time you're there, you've wasted away to nothing. I doubt even I could find the exit. It was those Goddamn voices again.
I walked faster, as if trying to get away. Stupid isn't it? Trying to outrun your own thoughts. Death standing just around one of these corners. Probably waiting. I doubted he'd come at a time like this. Not for a while; he won't be here.
I pulled my jacket around me and kept moving. The voices had been in my head for... How long? Maybe Jacki knew. I wished I hadn't hung up the phone now. It was late at night. I knew that at least, because the streetlights were on. I hadn't seen starlight in so bloody long, I had almost completely forgotten how much of an insignificant spec I was in the universe.
It was the voices that reminded me of that. Some days, they didn't stop. They kept pushing me until I was worn out and then keep yelling. Some of them were of people I knew. Some of people I didn't. Some were my own voice. That was the worst one. It came in three waves. The first wave, the shorter one, I could deal with. It was the one with the jokes that I told, the ideas I came up with, the confidence to do things, that I doubt I could do without it.
The second one, the longer one, was not yet the worst. It was the one made up of the blackness of hearts. The one that shows up when you get stood up on a date, or when you just feel goddamn awful for no reason. It taunts, and it picks away at you. This voice had been coming up in my head for some time recently. This is the voice that makes you do terrible things, but still not the worst.
The third one. It's almost laughable that this voice is the one that makes me suicidal. It's the voice that asks me Why?.
"Why the fuck not?"
This is the voice that really gets to me. The one I hear when I'm lying alone in bed at night, trying to get to sleep. The one that makes me wonder about where my life is going. I knew where it was going. But it still makes me want to take a knife and run it across my wrist.
Sometimes, I would love to feel the blood run down my arm. I could almost imagine it now. I'm sitting in the bathtub, because I didn't want to leave too much of a mess to be cleaned up. It doesn't hurt, and if it wasn't for the feel of the blood itself, I wouldn't believe I had done it. I would fade off to a slow, almost sensuous lack of consciousness.
Then the third voice might stop. So would all the other ones.
Then.
Nothing.
I walked faster, as if trying to get away. Stupid isn't it? Trying to outrun your own thoughts. Death standing just around one of these corners. Probably waiting. I doubted he'd come at a time like this. Not for a while; he won't be here.
I pulled my jacket around me and kept moving. The voices had been in my head for... How long? Maybe Jacki knew. I wished I hadn't hung up the phone now. It was late at night. I knew that at least, because the streetlights were on. I hadn't seen starlight in so bloody long, I had almost completely forgotten how much of an insignificant spec I was in the universe.
It was the voices that reminded me of that. Some days, they didn't stop. They kept pushing me until I was worn out and then keep yelling. Some of them were of people I knew. Some of people I didn't. Some were my own voice. That was the worst one. It came in three waves. The first wave, the shorter one, I could deal with. It was the one with the jokes that I told, the ideas I came up with, the confidence to do things, that I doubt I could do without it.
The second one, the longer one, was not yet the worst. It was the one made up of the blackness of hearts. The one that shows up when you get stood up on a date, or when you just feel goddamn awful for no reason. It taunts, and it picks away at you. This voice had been coming up in my head for some time recently. This is the voice that makes you do terrible things, but still not the worst.
The third one. It's almost laughable that this voice is the one that makes me suicidal. It's the voice that asks me Why?.
"Why the fuck not?"
This is the voice that really gets to me. The one I hear when I'm lying alone in bed at night, trying to get to sleep. The one that makes me wonder about where my life is going. I knew where it was going. But it still makes me want to take a knife and run it across my wrist.
Sometimes, I would love to feel the blood run down my arm. I could almost imagine it now. I'm sitting in the bathtub, because I didn't want to leave too much of a mess to be cleaned up. It doesn't hurt, and if it wasn't for the feel of the blood itself, I wouldn't believe I had done it. I would fade off to a slow, almost sensuous lack of consciousness.
Then the third voice might stop. So would all the other ones.
Then.
Nothing.
Nothing
I move, no grate my fingers over the phone pad. Grate is the only word that could come to mind, whether or not it makes any sense at all. I'm not one hundred-percent sure what is happening right now Someone says. I've called a number, that I feel I should know, and looking into the display on the phone, it feels utterly familiar, yet I feel somewhat indifferent about it. The tone of the second beep is sharply broken by a cool, clear female voice. "Hello?".
I press the off button on the phone. I'm not one hundred-percent sure what is happening right now Someone says again. I'm trying to look back at something to help me. I'm not one hundred-percent sure what is happening right now I think. Unable to go to a different train of thought, I try the number again. I'm not one hundre~ 'SHUT THE FUCK UP' I think to myself. The voices that are in my head don't always co-operate. This time the phone rings three times before it is picked up. "Hello?" comes that cool calm voice.
She was always there to be counted on. Who ever she was.
"Hello?" she says again, sounding a little bit annoyed.
"Hi. I don't even think you know who or what I am" I start "But I need some help."
"Baby, baby, baby, it's gonna be OK," she says.
Apparently she's my girlfriend or something. I'm still not one hundred-percent~ "STOP IT!" I accidentally yell into the phone. "No sorry, I don't mean it at you. I mean it towards the voices," I say.
"Shh, shh, I know baby." that cool clear voice. I love that voice.
She starts to sing to me. I don't remember the name of the song. Maybe she wrote it. Maybe her mom sang it to her. Maybe I wrote it for her.
The song ends in a minor key. Maybe D minor. I can't tell. Maybe she was the musical one. But wasn't it me? It made me sad. It brought up a picture too, in my mind. I'm not sure what the picture was. It doesn't make one hundred-percent sense to me yet. I take it out of my mind and hang it on the wall above my bed.
I press the off button on the phone. I'm not one hundred-percent sure what is happening right now Someone says again. I'm trying to look back at something to help me. I'm not one hundred-percent sure what is happening right now I think. Unable to go to a different train of thought, I try the number again. I'm not one hundre~ 'SHUT THE FUCK UP' I think to myself. The voices that are in my head don't always co-operate. This time the phone rings three times before it is picked up. "Hello?" comes that cool calm voice.
She was always there to be counted on. Who ever she was.
"Hello?" she says again, sounding a little bit annoyed.
"Hi. I don't even think you know who or what I am" I start "But I need some help."
"Baby, baby, baby, it's gonna be OK," she says.
Apparently she's my girlfriend or something. I'm still not one hundred-percent~ "STOP IT!" I accidentally yell into the phone. "No sorry, I don't mean it at you. I mean it towards the voices," I say.
"Shh, shh, I know baby." that cool clear voice. I love that voice.
She starts to sing to me. I don't remember the name of the song. Maybe she wrote it. Maybe her mom sang it to her. Maybe I wrote it for her.
I lived a life once
I lived a lie once
But I'd never see it through.
I felt that way
Every day
'Till I met you.
When the ocean liners
take out from their docks
We'll both be on the same
The golden ship
The one ship
That never had a name.
The song ends in a minor key. Maybe D minor. I can't tell. Maybe she was the musical one. But wasn't it me? It made me sad. It brought up a picture too, in my mind. I'm not sure what the picture was. It doesn't make one hundred-percent sense to me yet. I take it out of my mind and hang it on the wall above my bed.
Did this picture happen? Did anything happen?
Then I hang up the phone on her. What is her name? Jacki I think. I'm not sure. She isn't my girlfriend. Just a close friend. I look out the window. It looks to be about eleven O'clock. I can't be sure whether it was the morning or night-time. It wouldn't matter so much if I dropped the damn phone. But if I dropped it, it would start to ring again. And if it started to ring again, then I'm not one hundred-percent sure~ "Will you leave me the fuck alone?" I yell in anguish. The phone starts to burn my hand andI drop it.
It hits the floor and bounces twice. It starts to ring again. A laugh emanates from outside my room. I curl into a ball on my bed and try to fall asleep. I won't be able to. The phone rings. Do you know what is happening? Someone asks. "Does it matter?" I reply. I guess not. The voice leaves, and the phone stops ringing. I look at it. It tells me I have missed one call. Just one. Not too many. I reach for the phone and fall to the floor. I try and stand up, but cannot feel my legs. "Hello?" I ask in a voice far different from Jacki's clear cool and calm voice. 'Jacki was her name' I think. Then I start to remember. Or if I'm not really remembering, then it was one of those damned voices telling me what I forgot.
What did I forget? It no longer seems important. I drift off into an uneasy sleep. In my dreams I am in an empty room. I hear one voice saying one thing over and over again. It sounds like someone has left a message on the answering machine, but it is being replayed like a broken record. BEEPI'm not one hundred-percent sure what is happening right now.BEEPI'm not one hundred-percent sure what is happening right now.BEEPI'm not one hundred-percent sure what is happening right now. "Then how sure are you?" I call out to the empty room. "That shut him the fuck up," I say smiling. But not I was alone.
"Beep." I call out.
Nothing.
"Beep." I whimper again.
I wait with high hopes this time.
My voice echoes.
Then.
Nothing.
It hits the floor and bounces twice. It starts to ring again. A laugh emanates from outside my room. I curl into a ball on my bed and try to fall asleep. I won't be able to. The phone rings. Do you know what is happening? Someone asks. "Does it matter?" I reply. I guess not. The voice leaves, and the phone stops ringing. I look at it. It tells me I have missed one call. Just one. Not too many. I reach for the phone and fall to the floor. I try and stand up, but cannot feel my legs. "Hello?" I ask in a voice far different from Jacki's clear cool and calm voice. 'Jacki was her name' I think. Then I start to remember. Or if I'm not really remembering, then it was one of those damned voices telling me what I forgot.
What did I forget? It no longer seems important. I drift off into an uneasy sleep. In my dreams I am in an empty room. I hear one voice saying one thing over and over again. It sounds like someone has left a message on the answering machine, but it is being replayed like a broken record. BEEPI'm not one hundred-percent sure what is happening right now.BEEPI'm not one hundred-percent sure what is happening right now.BEEPI'm not one hundred-percent sure what is happening right now. "Then how sure are you?" I call out to the empty room. "That shut him the fuck up," I say smiling. But not I was alone.
"Beep." I call out.
Nothing.
"Beep." I whimper again.
I wait with high hopes this time.
My voice echoes.
Then.
Nothing.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Biking home at 2 am in the pouring rain
An experience that I have not had matched for a long time. It is so peaceful when there are no cars out in this sleepy little city we call Kanata. The only sounds I could hear was the wind passing by my ears and my bicycle's tires working against the ground propelling me forward. It's a very beautiful time.
It is a very sound based society, as I have mentioned before, and even though I'm a huge fan of sound, over the past week, I've become a fan of silence. Not pure silence mind you, because that is almost impossible to find, but the silence you get from a heavy rain. It masks everything else, both sound and sight-wise. It changes the world as we know it. I wish other people would just see rain how it is. If everyone could put down their hustle and bustle end let the rain envelop their senses, I think it would be good for them.
The sense of touch is a pretty amazing thing. I don't think that we really take it to its full potential with our other senses (hearing, sight, taste, smell) being bombarded constantly, our sense of touch often gets pushed to the back. It's a pity really. We become desensitized to our own touch, and the touch of things around us. We adapt to the clothing we wear, until we completely forget that it is in contact with our skin. When there is pressure or pain on our skin we shirk away. Feel it again, we shirk away. The constant pressure or pain will disappear if it happens enough. We do what we as humans always do. We adapt. We callus, we forget. some pains, don't go away.
There are rational senses, then there are irrational senses, the ones that are actually important. There is our sense of pride, our sense of belonging, our sense of direction; our sense of right and wrong. You can go blind and deaf, but you still have these senses. They are different for every person, just like most things about people. These are the senses based on your emotions and your thoughts them self, buried even deeper than memories, or muscle movements. You never forget how to feel bad for doing something wrong, or how to feel good for doing something right, or how to feel good for doing something wrong, the way it happens for us changes constantly though. No matter how much your heart has been ripped around, It will never heal completely. It never gets easier to have to say goodbye, or to have your hopes and dreams shatter. We may pretend that we gain toughness and wisdom as we move on through life, but we're really just making every move up as we go along. We don't have a plan for ourself, and even if we do, you can't determine everything that will happen. That's why even if you wait long enough, or convince yourself she doesn't love you back and you tell her you do, it hurts to death when she says she doesn't. It also makes it all the much sweeter when she does.
It is a very sound based society, as I have mentioned before, and even though I'm a huge fan of sound, over the past week, I've become a fan of silence. Not pure silence mind you, because that is almost impossible to find, but the silence you get from a heavy rain. It masks everything else, both sound and sight-wise. It changes the world as we know it. I wish other people would just see rain how it is. If everyone could put down their hustle and bustle end let the rain envelop their senses, I think it would be good for them.
The sense of touch is a pretty amazing thing. I don't think that we really take it to its full potential with our other senses (hearing, sight, taste, smell) being bombarded constantly, our sense of touch often gets pushed to the back. It's a pity really. We become desensitized to our own touch, and the touch of things around us. We adapt to the clothing we wear, until we completely forget that it is in contact with our skin. When there is pressure or pain on our skin we shirk away. Feel it again, we shirk away. The constant pressure or pain will disappear if it happens enough. We do what we as humans always do. We adapt. We callus, we forget. some pains, don't go away.
There are rational senses, then there are irrational senses, the ones that are actually important. There is our sense of pride, our sense of belonging, our sense of direction; our sense of right and wrong. You can go blind and deaf, but you still have these senses. They are different for every person, just like most things about people. These are the senses based on your emotions and your thoughts them self, buried even deeper than memories, or muscle movements. You never forget how to feel bad for doing something wrong, or how to feel good for doing something right, or how to feel good for doing something wrong, the way it happens for us changes constantly though. No matter how much your heart has been ripped around, It will never heal completely. It never gets easier to have to say goodbye, or to have your hopes and dreams shatter. We may pretend that we gain toughness and wisdom as we move on through life, but we're really just making every move up as we go along. We don't have a plan for ourself, and even if we do, you can't determine everything that will happen. That's why even if you wait long enough, or convince yourself she doesn't love you back and you tell her you do, it hurts to death when she says she doesn't. It also makes it all the much sweeter when she does.
Do you dream of me?
How we like music is very interesting. I've already gone over this topic way too much, so I'll keep it short and sweet. It may feel like no matter what you do, there is always someone doing it better than you. Even if it turns out they feel the same way about your music you still have that little bug at the back of your head picking away saying "You'll never be as good as him". It is always good to have a voice to push you and make you push yourself, but when you let it take over your life, you've lost. If you keep pushing, you will write a song that will make your spine shiver when you play it, or tears come to your own eyes. That's when you have something. From there, it doesn't matter if any one else likes it, because you have truly achieved better than your best.
Notes:
-So. I really love your music soulfingaz. You are my complete Idol when it comes to music, and you are also a terrific guy. Keep it up, and I can't wait to finish our CD.
Yeah, only one note today, but don't worry, I love you all alot
so
-lots of love
Jimmy
Notes:
-So. I really love your music soulfingaz. You are my complete Idol when it comes to music, and you are also a terrific guy. Keep it up, and I can't wait to finish our CD.
Yeah, only one note today, but don't worry, I love you all alot
so
-lots of love
Jimmy
Monday, June 23, 2008
Practice time -.-
I really hate that saying. Yeah it's true and all, but who has the time to practice. With music this, CD that, visit friends here, and concerts there, I've become a pretty busy guy. Anyways enough about that, and now onto todays topic.
Old friends. Well friendship in general. I'm not going to kid myself now, I have to many freaking friends. It's not that I don't like having so many friends, but it just gets difficult. Especially with someone you really care about. Going to Queens. Like so many of my friends next year. I was hanging out with a friend today because shes going to orientation, meeting teachers etc, and standing at the door on my way out it was sinking in like a freaking bullet. This girl, whom I have known for less than a year, has made such an impact on me, that I'm almost crying on her doorstep because shes going to be gone for a few weeks. I feel pretty stupid for it now, because it's not like we'd be hanging out constantly for the three weeks shes gone. Just feeling a bunch of my friends go onto bigger and better things, I hope they remember me, because I'll remember them. They have made such a big impact on my life, I can only hope that I made a little impact on theirs.
My builders, hell all the builders. I LOVE THEM SOOOOOOOOO MUCH. Leadership camp has brought out such a better person in me. When I first came to LC, it was in grade nine, and I was going through my emo phase. Don't kid me, you all went through one. I was shy, I was fat, I was annoying, and worst of all, very lonely. Walking away from LC was a memory, that I hope I never forget. For once I didn't actually want to leave the school. I made connections with people, and those run so deep, I can't begin to explain them, and with every LC, you realize how precious life is. People go through so much Sh*t and still, you can meet people who are still amazing.
Friendship is like an art almost. It takes dedication to get it to work. Of course with art there are those permanent blunders though. Like when you're painting and you smudge a little bit of white onto your green tree, which was looking pretty damn good at the moment, and suddenly your whole painting is ruined. So what do you do? Scrap it? Fix it in Photoshop? Naw, you just have to work around it. Take a look at the painting you call your life. Mine is really simple, but complex too. You've got a sun, a house, a tree, some clouds, grass, etc. We're talking about like a third grade finger painting. But this is different. The grass is the people you know. There is a lot of grass. Sometime when you trip and fall, It's easier to fall into grass. You may step on it sometimes, and it may give you grass stains, but its nice to have there. The clouds are the people that impact your life a lot. When you fall, It's nice to be able to sink into a cloud and look for support. People will be added to the cloud, people may be taken away from that cloud, but there are a few things I've learned about that cloud. If something that really makes up the cloud is taken from it, then it was never what really made up the cloud. If your cloud is diminishing, and there is only a tiny little bit of it left, It's still enough to lean on when you need some help, and the last thing I've learned is that the cloud is never gone. You always have someone there, even if you may not know it. The rest of the picture isn't really all that important yet, but I might bring it up later. Now I'm going to say a few words to some of the people whom I love so much. My life really wouldn't be the same without these people.
Oooooh, Oooooh, and these people get tagged in the note, But because this is being posted on an actual blog, I'm not going to throw their names up. Just clues that they can figure out them self.
Notes:
-You've been there since the very beginning. Ever since our first LC, even though you are quiet now and then, I still feel so comfortable around you. It was great to know you these two years, but it is really too bad it could not be longer. (Franky)
-Geez, I don't even know what to say about you that I haven't already. You rule my world, have the key to my heart and my mind, and we are going to freaking keep in touch when you go to University. (This song is for you)
-I really want to get a group reunion together. It was really great to know you, and even before LC when we'd just say hi in the hallway. You are such a terrific man, and I wish you the best of luck. (Huss-dog)
-Having you in my vocal class, and then going to you being in my LC group was absolutely terrific. I was so glad getting to know you and you are such a deep person. School will definitely be different without you next year. (you can guess this one)
-Godspell with you was such a terrific experience. I love coming to class to see you and have you cheer me up. It's much to bad to have you gone next year, and not have known you for more than a semester. (Day by Day)
-You and your crazy British accent can make me feel better on a moments notice if I'm feeling down. I feel really close to you after our LC together, and seeing you in the hallway every now and then. Polyadics with you was a life changing experience. thank you (you sexy beast)
-It was really disappointing not to get to know you very well over LC, and school together, but I know we are going to keep in touch. You are a hilarious guy, and it was great to have you around during LGA's. (crap. I can't think of anything to put in here. So I'm gonna put your first name and last initial. do you mind? uhmm. well anyways Kenny K)
-Trust me man, there is nothing I would want more to sing you to sleep every night, but we both know that I'm a busy man. Having polyadics with you was fun, and you are a very cool guy. It was a pleasure to know you. (David Sazookie)
-We barely got to know each other over LC's, though we probably should have. You seem like a terrific person, and we should keep in touch. (whoah, i really cant think tonight. I must be really tired. Sarah W)
-Hey! It's not always a bad thing to make people cry. By playing sad music I mean. My one main memory of you will be you ripping off your sweater yelling "I'm a stripper, let's get naked!". You rock. (Male stripper)
-You are a terrific singer, and it's a shame we never got to do any male-male duets together. There is a shortage of talented male singers, or at least ones as talented and fun to be around with as you. I'm going to miss you next year. (Bowa)
-It was fun hanging out with you on Chris' driveway after ice cream. You are hilarious, and give off a feeling of happiness that everyone around you seems you absorb. Keep that as you move on through life. (The middle sister)
-I know you, your brother and your sister, and you are all funny energetic people (well not so much your brother), but you are all great to be around, and I loved getting to know you (Hulk-ette)
-You remind me of your brother, (i mean that in the best way possible). Funny, great personality, just terrific. I wish you were around again next year. (Nadia K.)
-We soo need to hang out this summer and jam. You already know how much you rule in my books, and in everybody elses. (Madi)
OK, so , if i forgot some of you, I have excuses. If you're not a grad, you don't get included today. this is for people, so if i haven't made an impression on them, and they leave next year, they can read this again. If you are a grad, just so you know, I am extremely tired. Email me, and I will include you IMMEDIATELY. You deserve it. You are a great group of people. It may not be the best set of compliments, because all of you are so great, but if you keep in contact, they would get better. You know, Practice makes Perfect;)
I'm out
-Love Jimmy
Old friends. Well friendship in general. I'm not going to kid myself now, I have to many freaking friends. It's not that I don't like having so many friends, but it just gets difficult. Especially with someone you really care about. Going to Queens. Like so many of my friends next year. I was hanging out with a friend today because shes going to orientation, meeting teachers etc, and standing at the door on my way out it was sinking in like a freaking bullet. This girl, whom I have known for less than a year, has made such an impact on me, that I'm almost crying on her doorstep because shes going to be gone for a few weeks. I feel pretty stupid for it now, because it's not like we'd be hanging out constantly for the three weeks shes gone. Just feeling a bunch of my friends go onto bigger and better things, I hope they remember me, because I'll remember them. They have made such a big impact on my life, I can only hope that I made a little impact on theirs.
My builders, hell all the builders. I LOVE THEM SOOOOOOOOO MUCH. Leadership camp has brought out such a better person in me. When I first came to LC, it was in grade nine, and I was going through my emo phase. Don't kid me, you all went through one. I was shy, I was fat, I was annoying, and worst of all, very lonely. Walking away from LC was a memory, that I hope I never forget. For once I didn't actually want to leave the school. I made connections with people, and those run so deep, I can't begin to explain them, and with every LC, you realize how precious life is. People go through so much Sh*t and still, you can meet people who are still amazing.
Friendship is like an art almost. It takes dedication to get it to work. Of course with art there are those permanent blunders though. Like when you're painting and you smudge a little bit of white onto your green tree, which was looking pretty damn good at the moment, and suddenly your whole painting is ruined. So what do you do? Scrap it? Fix it in Photoshop? Naw, you just have to work around it. Take a look at the painting you call your life. Mine is really simple, but complex too. You've got a sun, a house, a tree, some clouds, grass, etc. We're talking about like a third grade finger painting. But this is different. The grass is the people you know. There is a lot of grass. Sometime when you trip and fall, It's easier to fall into grass. You may step on it sometimes, and it may give you grass stains, but its nice to have there. The clouds are the people that impact your life a lot. When you fall, It's nice to be able to sink into a cloud and look for support. People will be added to the cloud, people may be taken away from that cloud, but there are a few things I've learned about that cloud. If something that really makes up the cloud is taken from it, then it was never what really made up the cloud. If your cloud is diminishing, and there is only a tiny little bit of it left, It's still enough to lean on when you need some help, and the last thing I've learned is that the cloud is never gone. You always have someone there, even if you may not know it. The rest of the picture isn't really all that important yet, but I might bring it up later. Now I'm going to say a few words to some of the people whom I love so much. My life really wouldn't be the same without these people.
Oooooh, Oooooh, and these people get tagged in the note, But because this is being posted on an actual blog, I'm not going to throw their names up. Just clues that they can figure out them self.
Notes:
-You've been there since the very beginning. Ever since our first LC, even though you are quiet now and then, I still feel so comfortable around you. It was great to know you these two years, but it is really too bad it could not be longer. (Franky)
-Geez, I don't even know what to say about you that I haven't already. You rule my world, have the key to my heart and my mind, and we are going to freaking keep in touch when you go to University. (This song is for you)
-I really want to get a group reunion together. It was really great to know you, and even before LC when we'd just say hi in the hallway. You are such a terrific man, and I wish you the best of luck. (Huss-dog)
-Having you in my vocal class, and then going to you being in my LC group was absolutely terrific. I was so glad getting to know you and you are such a deep person. School will definitely be different without you next year. (you can guess this one)
-Godspell with you was such a terrific experience. I love coming to class to see you and have you cheer me up. It's much to bad to have you gone next year, and not have known you for more than a semester. (Day by Day)
-You and your crazy British accent can make me feel better on a moments notice if I'm feeling down. I feel really close to you after our LC together, and seeing you in the hallway every now and then. Polyadics with you was a life changing experience. thank you (you sexy beast)
-It was really disappointing not to get to know you very well over LC, and school together, but I know we are going to keep in touch. You are a hilarious guy, and it was great to have you around during LGA's. (crap. I can't think of anything to put in here. So I'm gonna put your first name and last initial. do you mind? uhmm. well anyways Kenny K)
-Trust me man, there is nothing I would want more to sing you to sleep every night, but we both know that I'm a busy man. Having polyadics with you was fun, and you are a very cool guy. It was a pleasure to know you. (David Sazookie)
-We barely got to know each other over LC's, though we probably should have. You seem like a terrific person, and we should keep in touch. (whoah, i really cant think tonight. I must be really tired. Sarah W)
-Hey! It's not always a bad thing to make people cry. By playing sad music I mean. My one main memory of you will be you ripping off your sweater yelling "I'm a stripper, let's get naked!". You rock. (Male stripper)
-You are a terrific singer, and it's a shame we never got to do any male-male duets together. There is a shortage of talented male singers, or at least ones as talented and fun to be around with as you. I'm going to miss you next year. (Bowa)
-It was fun hanging out with you on Chris' driveway after ice cream. You are hilarious, and give off a feeling of happiness that everyone around you seems you absorb. Keep that as you move on through life. (The middle sister)
-I know you, your brother and your sister, and you are all funny energetic people (well not so much your brother), but you are all great to be around, and I loved getting to know you (Hulk-ette)
-You remind me of your brother, (i mean that in the best way possible). Funny, great personality, just terrific. I wish you were around again next year. (Nadia K.)
-We soo need to hang out this summer and jam. You already know how much you rule in my books, and in everybody elses. (Madi)
OK, so , if i forgot some of you, I have excuses. If you're not a grad, you don't get included today. this is for people, so if i haven't made an impression on them, and they leave next year, they can read this again. If you are a grad, just so you know, I am extremely tired. Email me, and I will include you IMMEDIATELY. You deserve it. You are a great group of people. It may not be the best set of compliments, because all of you are so great, but if you keep in contact, they would get better. You know, Practice makes Perfect;)
I'm out
-Love Jimmy
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